We buried my mom today. After a moving funeral, we laid her to rest about 80 feet from the church that she loved so much. The service was moving and saddening.
In keeping with her Free Church of Scotland roots, two of the hymns were actually unaccompanied sung Psalms (121 and 23) and that’s when I started to let loose with some tears. The church was packed and a friend of the family for 30 years read a eulogy. We had her interred and then went back in for a social time.
The wake was more physically exhausting, the funeral more emotionally exhausting. As Mom’s only living child I thanked everyone publically for coming to honour her and talked about how fitting it was that she was surrounded by people she loved in a place she loved, as we remembered both her many strengths and challenges. Many, many people came up to me and spoke about how kind Mom was to everyone she met and how she worked (so often behind the scenes) to make the community a better place. Children felt safe with her. She paid attention to kids with a patience that defies my abilities as a parent.
I’m dizzy at the thought that there are so many things she’ll never be able to tell me about herself and the her views of the world. My mom and I were alike in so many ways, different in so many others. I’m terrified that she won't be there for me, our kids, and my Dad.
I think I’m still in shock over what I’ve lost this week. I can’t yet my head around what life is going to be like without her. This was so sudden- it was last Sunday before we really knew that she was going to die, five days after she’d entered the hospital. I spoke to her on Wednesday night, but didn’t say goodbye. That’s unfortunate… More later.
B.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm a friend of the Captain, and he had a link your post. I lost my mom very unexpectedly. It was the hardest thing I have ever lived through. I too, am the only living child.
ReplyDeleteNine years later I still miss her and with the birth of my first child, wish so much to hear her voice again. As I get older though, I see so much of her in myself. I realize that she will live forever in me, and in the memories I pass on to my daughter.
You and your dad have my deepest sympathy at this time.
Hi K.,
ReplyDeleteI have seen and enjoyed your blog through our friend's links as well.
Its nice to hear from another "only," especially on this. We have two girls and part of why I'm trying to capture a few of my thoughts and this whole experience is for them.
Anyways, thanks for your kind thoughts, K.
Binky