This morning I finally figured out how to describe what it is I’ve been feeling lately. It’s something close to feeling like I’ve been running through mud whenever I try to make a decision about my life. It’s hard to move. It’s hard to actually get to the point where I make a decision.
Please don’t think that this means I’m suffering, or hurting or depressed. I’m fine; I just feel like it’s really difficult to make decisions of great consequence. That’s not to say that it isn’t upsetting. There have been a few decisions lately (mostly in my professional life) that I’ve really agonized over. It’s never reached the point of paralysis but sometimes it feels pretty darn close. Sometimes I wonder if it would make it to that point if I didn’t have other people depending on me. I’m not sure which fork in the road to take on this as a problem. On the right, I need to "man up" and just get on with it, stop reflecting and just decide on things. The left fork involves taking a serious, reflective look at why I get myself into these twists, turns, and quandaries.
Realistically I know I need to do both. Fear of making a wrong decision, a REALLY wrong decision, has to be a part of this.
I’ll write some more about this later.
B.
I can't offer advice, but wish you peace in the decision making process... I am often racked with indecision, though I find it gets easier as I get older.
ReplyDeleteI see in your later post that perhaps you came to a conclusion... good luck!